This is not my car. It used to be. But it’s not my car anymore. We parted ways earlier this month. Yes, I am still fully going through the grieving process. Even though it is a car. I’m okay with that.
See, BDK and I went through a lot together. An unusual amount of snow and ice. Two jobs. Several addresses. A particularly scary encounter where this gem kept me from getting seriously hurt. A few weddings, including my own. Many parties. Lots of little moments that I don’t even remember.
BDK wasn’t fancy. It didn’t have all the bells and whistles. But it got fabulous gas mileage (important when you commute for almost an hour each direction), had decent speakers (important when you fancy yourself a superstar in the midst of bumper-to-bumper traffic on your commute), and most of all, it quite literally propelled me forward.
When I started BDK’s lease, I had just moved home after what we’ll call … a stressful year. I had no money, an absurd pile of debt, and a tremendous amount of anxiety. I felt enormous pressure to have things all figured out. I had nothing figured out. And in case things weren’t already interesting enough, in less than a week after moving, I was supposed to report to a new job, find a place to live, and determine some method to get between that job and my new place. Woof.
Lucky for me, my family had helped do some pretty serious research so that I could sign on the dotted line feeling confident in my decision, armed with information. Still, as I walked onto the dealership lot that week, I saw BDK and knew none of that information mattered. I saw the car and knew it was mine. Together, this car and me, we were going to take the world back on.
And we did.
Over the course of a few years, we drove to some of my oldest, most favorite places – and then to some of my newest ones. We saw graduations. We saw promotions. We saw long days in the mountains. We never made it to the beach, but I would like to think BDK will get there with its next owner. And somewhere in the midst of all that driving, BDK taught me one important lesson: Keep Moving Forward. The rest eventually falls into place.
Then things changed.
This summer when I moved back to my other Home,
[I defer to my earlier post on the topic if your reaction to that sounds something like “What the devil is she talking about?”]
I did not take BDK with me.
There wasn’t room. There was not a home for BDK to have, at least with me. So, when November rolled around and BDK’s lease expired, I had to let it go.
Not to eulogize any longer, but it’s not the loss of any random car that’s got me so nostalgic. It’s knowing that BDK changing hands signifies the close of that life chapter. Some of the things BDK and I saw together I never want to see again. But there were also a lot of wonderful, joyous, silly, absolutely insanely perfect moments. And BDK kept me moving, quite literally, through each of them.
To whoever has BDK now
[I can’t imagine it will stay on any lot too long – I took better care of that thing than some people take care of sentient beings]
I can only hope BDK propels you forward and is a witness to many little fabulous moments. Just as it was with me.
Because now, this car is not mine. This is not my car. It used to be.
I’m okay with that.
Ryan Vale McGonigle
Thanks, Mom, for sending photos before escorting BDK off to its next home.